


Denial

by ssa_archivist



Series: Denial Series [1]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-03-08
Updated: 2003-03-08
Packaged: 2017-11-01 09:38:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/355083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Luthor can't be gay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Denial

## Denial

by SkaterBoy

[]()

* * *

It's just a mask, isn't it, Lex. The way you're cool and composed, always the right words for every situation, knowing looks and power plays. A mask of emotionlessness, apathy. So calm. But inside your thoughts are whirling, trying to stay five moves ahead of your opponent, the desperate repression of thoughts you can't let yourself think, even when you're alone. 

The women, they don't mean anything to you, do they? An excuse, keeping up appearances, because a Luthor can't be gay (fairy). You don't trust yourself not to yell out another man's name so you've trained yourself not to say any names (Clark) when you're fucking a woman, wishing her breasts were pecs, fingers calloused, actions rougher (fuck _me_ ), body tighter, but she's not and pretending doesn't really work. You hate the long, painted fingernails, the breathiness, the makeup, the pretense. 

It's not what you were taught. It's wrong, remember, wrong and unnatural and don't forget illegal. Wrong to even think about it. Doesn't matter where you are either. Remember, Lex, that time in Metropolis, when you turned eighteen and you and Lionel were walking together to the office, so you could sign the papers that made you a shareholder for LuthorCorp. And on the way there you saw two men walking together (handsome couple), holding hands and you had to stop yourself from smiling at them and after you passed them Lionel muttered _faggots_ under his breath, and you heard it and couldn't say anything. The way he said it, so naturally, like the word was made for him, like he invented the word. 

It's what you think about every time you see Clark. You tell yourself he's just your friend but then you catch yourself thinking he's beautiful (fuckable) or lingering when you get a chance to touch him (caress). It feels good to think like that but you shouldn't, you _can't_ and you push those thoughts to the very back of your mind and escape his touch, but you can't stop finding excuses to spend time with him. It's always _his_ name on the tip of your tongue, _his_ name you almost say when you're alone (jerking off), and you've already said Cl- and you have to change it, so you say Chloe or Clarissa but then you slip and it's Clarence or _Clark_

Clark 

Don't say it, because saying is admitting and you can't admit to something that can't _be_. You tell yourself it's not what you want (Clark), really. Why would you want that? It's disgusting, right, because everyone says it is. _But girls have cooties_. Lex, you have an image to uphold. Luthors are the epitome of masculinity (so?). You're _supposed_ to have mistresses and look appreciatively at attractive women. You're supposed to be charming and polite and flirt with them at benefits, but other men, just a handshake, a few words about business and move on. You can't ask them to dinner or make suggestive comments or hug. Women you're allowed to kiss on the cheek at these functions (you should fuck them later), but men. You're not allowed to do anything like that. Imagine, if at a function you shook another man's hand and you kissed each other on both cheeks. 

Wrong. Unacceptable. 

But. 

Why does it have to be that way? You're _Lex Luthor_ and you can do anything you want. As long as it's not queer. God (Lionel) forbid you flirted with another man or entertained thoughts of fucking him (being fucked). Aren't women (men) so warm (hot) and soft ( _hard_ ), Lex? You've fallen in love (lust) before, remember Desiree (pheromones)? You married her (manipulation). Too bad it didn't work out, but you'll meet someone else, Lex. You'll learn to be happy (gay). 


End file.
